This post was inspired by leaking, sneezing, and a very confused immune system.
Hello Spring, Fall, come in, have a seat. So, here’s the deal – I already love Summer and Winter very, very much. They both have things to love. You two, however, have many undesirable qualities. For example, Fall – you’re a stinky, rotting, festering mess of dead things. I like dead things, but I don’t love them.
Wait, wait, wait – Spring, stop snickering. You’re no angel pal. Sure, you get laid. A lot. But bringing home strange women around the building doesn’t help sell suites, you selfish bastard – you make me sick. And it isn’t even the somewhat satisfying, “I’m taking the day off work, boss” type sick because no one ever takes allergies serious. Look at me – my nose is dripping worse than your diseased peni…
Alright, enough said. I’ve received a considerable amount of interest from Rainy and Dry seasons for your suites. They’re from Brazil, and they run the tango lessons down the street at the community center – I really like them.
So, what to do? Well, I can’t make the decision myself. I love stepping on crunchy leaves, and spring weather brings warmth and with it my burgeoning herb garden. Therefore, I will leave it to the two of you to decide who will leave when your leases are up this July. Decide however you like, but may I suggest something? Ok – tango. I’m serious! It’s a dance of love – something the two of you know little about. Let’s be honest: Spring, you’re a shallow, chauvinist dick, and Fall, perhaps a women’s touch is what you need to clean up your act, or pick up a suit jacket, anything!
Alright, please let me know when you’ve decided as soon as possible. Rainy and Dry have invited me to tour with them along the west coast for two weeks in June in lieu of a month’s rent- I really like them.