“Understanding Food Labels You Might Encounter at Whole Foods.” This is funny.

And so topical in light of our speakers coming up. Again from the venerable McSweeney’s.

Free Range:

Animals raised with a free-range lifestyle have plenty of room to stretch out and eat bugs. This is particularly important for chickens, which need at least two square feet of space at all times. Factory-farming conditions are like living in apartment buildings in big cities: a co-op is formed within the coop, and the poultry have grinding meetings on where to put the satellite dish and how much to tip the doorman at Christmas. As in a human co-op, any new members deemed unsatisfactory or weak are pecked to death. Other free-range items, such as tofu, need less room to grow.

And the piece goes on and on.

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David (@ng_dave) is Faculty at the Michael Smith Labs. His writing has appeared in places such as McSweeney's, The Walrus, and boingboing.net. He plans on using Terry as another place to highlight the mostly science-y links he appreciates. In fact, if you liked this one, you might also like his main site generally - this can be found at popperfont.net.

2 Responses to ““Understanding Food Labels You Might Encounter at Whole Foods.” This is funny.”

  1. Dave Semeniuk

    I bought free range eggs last week. Written on the side of the box was:

    The chickens have access to outside pasture and fed on the natural ground cover.

    I guess the key word is “access”. Of course, “access” does not entail “actually used”…

  2. Albert Ding

    “If you buy local organic foods, you may skip dinner altogether and ascend directly to heaven, where you’ll be greeted by 72 varietals of virgin olive oil.”

    Goodness, I laughed so hard while reading that sentence, the people around me thought I was crazy.

    My personal taste test pitting free-range and mass-produced chickens found no difference between the two. They both taste like chicken =/

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