THE PROS AND CONS OF MOVING TO CANADA
PRO: Cleaner environment.
CON: Colder climate.
PRO: Universal healthcare.
CON: Higher tax rate.
PRO: The highest standard of living in the world.
CON: Not nearly as many Dunkin’ Donuts.
PRO: Lower crime rate.
CON: My TiVo won’t work there.
PRO: Quieter.
CON: The Grey Cup halftime show is always a disappointment.
PRO: Less crowded.
CON: Celine Dion.
PRO: Less traffic.
CON: The metric system.
PRO: Less partisan news media outlets.
CON: More than enough news stories about moose.
PRO: Less chance of being a victim of a terrorist act.
CON: More chance of getting beaten up in a Roadhouse.
PRO: Second in command doesn’t shoot people.
CON: More mean French-speaking waiters.
PRO: A multi-party political system.
CON: Celine Dion.
PRO: Good possibility that marijuana will be legalized.
CON: Pot makes me tell people I love them when I really don’t.
PRO: No longer having a tool for neo-conservatives as my leader.
CON: Feeling guilty about abandoning my country during one of its darkest political periods.
PRO: Less homophobia, less racism, less intolerance.
CON: Celine Dion, Celine Dion, Celine Dion.
PRO: Closer to Santa.
CON: Thanksgiving is in October.
PRO: My sons won’t have to help pay off the United States’ mounting deficit.
CON: My sons will become huge Celine Dion fans.
