Proposed sins #15-19 awaiting approval of Vatican Supervisory Committee on Morally Deplorable Acts (VSCMDA)

The Vatican has put together an upbeat, modernized version of the seven deadly sins for Catholics to fret about (link – the first seven still count p.s.). They include questionable scientific experimentation, genetic manipulation, and polluting the environment. Naturally I thought, “If the Vatican can do it, why can’t I?”

And why can’t you?

Here is my list of modern and remixed sins everyone should be absolved of one day:

  • Thou shalt neither be hip nor square, only penitent.
  • Thou shalt not inflict poverty or wear condoms, but AIDS is cool.
  • Thou shalt not die for false idols; we’ve got it covered.
  • Thou shalt not wait for the entire chorus of “I ran In Da Club” to play on your cell phone before answering it.
  • Thou shalt not mix oranges and toothpaste
  • Thou shalt not, under any circumstances, use “Lol” or “brb” colloquially….ever

Any other ideas?

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Dave Semeniuk spends hours locked up in his office, thinking about the role the oceans play in controlling global climate, and unique ways of studying it. He'd also like to shamelessly plug his art practice: