I Have Some Terrible News To Announce…

side of gingerbread house
[such…mindless devastation]

January is over, new year’s resolutions have long since faded into slabs of greasy pizza, pitchers of cheap gut(among other organs)-busting beer, and thick rings or putrid smoke, and finally our noble ginger brethren have long been forgotten for another year.

Well, Terry* has not forgotten. With help from a bona fide gingerbread architect C. Andy, and the rather sweet sustainable materials expert V. Frosting, a crew of Terryians and I have been busy reconstructing all your terrific entries in our sustainability laboratory.

To ensure we accurately and fairly judge all 18 entries, we have rigorously performed a number of precise tests under the guidance of our resident ginger folk, including:

  • Energy Use Efficiency
  • Room Heating Efficiency
  • Livability
  • The number of 60″ flat screen TVs that can fit on each wall
  • The quality of potential rounds of sock golf
  • Working toilets

Unfortunately, last night a group of fritter-funded, loaf loathing troglodytes broke into the Terry* sustainability laboratory and vandalized all our equipment, spray painting slogans of ginger hate on our lab walls, and finally (and perhaps the most heartbreaking) gobbled up every replicate entry.

Woe and misery will not rule this day my friends! The gingerbrethren are as strong and proud as they are delicious, and have been a great inspiration to the Terryians. As we muster together the fortitude to move on, we hope all of you will bear with us for another week before we announce the winners of Bakeforachange.

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Dave Semeniuk spends hours locked up in his office, thinking about the role the oceans play in controlling global climate, and unique ways of studying it. He'd also like to shamelessly plug his art practice: davidsemeniuk.com

3 Responses to “I Have Some Terrible News To Announce…”

  1. Betrand Von Pinkelstink

    You spelled devastation “devestation”.

    Score one for the degradation of the English language.

  2. Betrand Von Pinkelstink

    Oh yeah, and “whoa” should probably be ‘woe’.

    This message is sponsored by the Oxford English Dictionary.

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