A ‘GLASS IS HALF FULL’ TAKE ON THE SUBJECT OF GLOBAL WARMING.

Small annoying islands will be submerged:
You know those small islands that are hard to find on the map. You know…the ones you can walk across in a half-day…and have, like, a couple trees and maybe one dishevelled goat. Well, pretty soon – gone!

Newspaper will carry great headlines:
Global warming will usher in a new era of great news reporting. Watch out for headlines like “Boy it’s a hot one”, “Ice cream – the new currency of the rich”, “Exploding thermometer kills unsuspecting janitor”, “Cold wave shocks city”.

Natural disasters tend to bring people together:
If we’ve learned anything from Hollywood disaster movies it’s that giant meteorites, exploding volcanoes, and humongous tidal waves tend to bring people together. Why wouldn’t global warming do the same thing? When was the last time you hugged your neighbour?

No more unsightly snow:
Snow, snowmen, snowballs, etc, will be a thing of the past. That stuff is cold you know. Many will even doubt it ever existed in much the same manner as mermaids, dragons and giants. Skiing will become an old wives tale – I mean really, careening down a mountainside on waxed planks! What’s that about?

More chances to have a hurricane named after you:
As anybody who watches the news can tell, hurricanes are on the rise. With global warming continuing its trend, soon a hurricane a day will be the norm. This is great news because obviously, the chance of one being named after you will greatly increase.

Everywhere will be warmer:
It keeps getting chilly round here. We have to use oil, natural gas, and electricity to heat the damn place. Shorts weather would be so much nicer and besides, the attractive girl across the street bought a new bikini last summer.

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terryman

David Secko is a molecular biologist and a science writer, who is currently studying journalism at the University of British Columbia. He thinks Steven Wright was right when he asked: "ok, so what's the speed of dark?" His writing has appeared in The Scientist, The Tyee, Canadian Medical Association Journal, Science's Next Wave and UBC's Thunderbird Magazine.

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